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Top 5 Conservative Slurs

March 30, 2010

This is my Top 5 most heard slurs, and my very sweet response to each.

1. “You’re conservative?! I thought you were intelligent!”

I thought so too. Guess my mother told me wrong. Oh those Jewish mommies…

And according to Churchill :

A liberal is a man with both feet planted firmly in the air. – Winston Churchill

I’m happy being a heartless realist.

2. “You can’t be a Jew and a conservative!”

Damn. So should I stop being right or going to Shabat dinner?  There go my marriage prospects.

3. “You’re Republican — you don’t believe in democracy”

No, I believe in totalitarian regimes with me as chief dictator.

Note: In my land, using the word “change” more than 5 times results in instant prison time. Using it without saying what you are trying to change (e.g. “We want change!”) means a life term.

4. You’re against minorities!

I’m an endangered species. Last time, I counted there were 12 of us left.  Being a Russian conservative Jew from Brookline, MA  should put me on the government watch list and at least entitle me to a national park.

5. You hate gay people.

Of course. Just like I  hate straight people. I don’t discriminate when I hate.  I usually decide who to dislike based on how many times they insult me not on whom they sleep with.


NB: Sarcasm is what makes the world go round, if you don’t get it and think I am a horrible person, don’t bother emailing me about it.  😀

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